BUT NEVER forget
the blessings that come
each day.
Have a wonderful
day with many *smiles*
And
remember:
life is like a roll of toilet paper. The
closer it gets to the end, the faster it
goes.
All hair removal
methods have tricked women with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The
Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now ...
the wax. Read on
My night began as any other normal
weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with
the kids. I then had the thought that would
ring painfully in my mind for the next few
hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the
bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax"
kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand,
they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I
mean, I'm not a genius, but I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure this
out. (I THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its
two strips facing each other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and
heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah
... right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It
works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling,
but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair
removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
fighter of all wayward body hair and maker
of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north After
checking on the kids, I sneak back into the
bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place
one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the wax strip across the
right side of my bikini line, covering the
right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down
to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a
long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
myself...RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!' OH MY
GAWD!!!! Vision returning, I notice that
I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted. I think
I may pass out ... must stay conscious ...
must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing
drums??? Breathe, breathe ... OK, back to
normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered
strip, the one that has caused me so much
pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I
want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still
perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The
hair that should be on the strip ... it's
not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my
fingers over the most sensitive part of my
body, which is now covered in cold wax and
matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped
up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed
shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom
trying to figure out what to do and think to
myself "Please don't let me get the urge to
poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to
melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run
the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
bits and the wax should melt and I can
gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly
hotter than that used to torture prisoners
of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I
sit. Now, the only thing worse than having
your nether regions glued together, is
having them glued together and then glued to
the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot
water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold
wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the
tub as though I had cemented myself to the
porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months ago to have a phone put in the
bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has
waxed before and has some secret of how to
get me undone. It's a very good conversation
starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued
together to the bottom of the tub!" There is
a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide
her laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly where the wax is located, "Are we
talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?" She's
laughing out loud by now ...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I
call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of
someone else's night. While we go through
various solutions. I resort to trying to
scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing
feels better than to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the
brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to
need Post Traumatic Stress counselling for
this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I
finally see my saving grace .... the lotion
they give you to remove the excess wax. What
do I really have to lose at this point? I
rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared
the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo
painful, but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!!" "It works!!" I get a hearty
congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the
wax and then notice to my grief and despair
.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE ALL OF IT! So I
recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by
now. Nothing hurts I could have amputated my
own leg at this point. Next week I'm going
to try hair color
40 Things You May Not Know
1. Money isn't made out
of paper; it's made out
of cotton.
2. The 57 on Heinz
ketchup bottle
represents the varieties
of pickle the company
once had.
3. Your stomach produces
a new layer of mucus
every two weeks -
otherwise it will digest
itself
4. The Declaration of
Independence was written
on hemp paper.
5. The dot over the
letter 'i' is called a
"tittle".
6. A raisin dropped in a
glass of fresh champagne
will bounce up and down
continuously from the
bottom of the glass to
the top.
7. Susan Lucci is the
daughter of Phyllis
Diller.
8. A duck's quack
doesn't echo ... no one
knows why.
9. 40% of McDonald's
profits come from the
sales of Happy Meals.
10 Every person has a
unique tongue print (no
licking at the scene of
a crime!).
11. 315 entries in
Webster's 1996
Dictionary were
misspelled.
12. The 'spot' on 7UP
comes from its inventor
who had red eyes. He was
albino.
13. On average, 12
newborns will be given
to the wrong parents
daily.
14. During the chariot
scene in 'Ben Hur' a
small red car can be
seen in the distance.
15. Warren Beatty and
Shirley MacLaine are
brother and sister.
16. Chocolate affects a
dog's heart and nervous
system; a few ounces
will kill a small sized
dog.
17. Orcas (killer
whales) kill sharks by
torpedoing up into the
shark's stomach from
underneath, causing the
shark to explode.
18. Most lipstick
contains fish scales
(eeww).
19. Donald Duck comics
were banned from Finland
because he doesn't wear
pants!
20. Ketchup was sold in
the 1830s as medicine.
21. Upper and lower case
letters are named
'upper' and 'lower'
because in the time when
all original print had
to be set in individual
letters, the 'upper
case' letters were
stored in the case on
top of the case that
stored the smaller,
'lower case' letters.
22. Leonardo da Vinci
could write with one
hand and draw with the
other at the same time.
23. Because metal was
scarce, the Oscars given
out during World War II
were made of wood.
24. There are no clocks
in Las Vegas gambling
casinos.
25. The name Wendy was
made up for the book
Peter Pan, there was
never a recorded Wendy
before!
26. There are no words
in the dictionary that
rhyme with: orange,
purple, and silver!
27. Leonardo Da Vinci
invented scissors. Also,
it took him 10 years to
paint Mona Lisa's lips.
28. A tiny amount of
liquor on a scorpion
will make it instantly
go mad and sting itself
to death.
29. The mask used by
Michael Myers in the
original "Halloween" was
a Captain Kirk mask
painted white.
30. If you have three
quarters, four dimes,
and four pennies, you
have $1.19. You also
have the largest amount
of money in coins
without being able to
make change for a
dollar.
31. By raising your legs
slowly and lying on your
back, you can't sink in
quicksand.
32. The phrase "rule of
thumb" is derived from
an old English law,
which stated that you
couldn't beat your wife
with anything wider than
your thumb.
33. American Airlines
saved $40,000 in '87 by
eliminating one olive
from each salad served
in first class.
34. The first product
Motorola started to
develop was a record
player for automobiles.
At that time, the most
known player on the
market was the Victrola,
so they called
themselves Motorola.
35. Celery has negative
calories! It takes more
calories to eat a piece
of celery than the
celery has in it to
begin with. It's the
same with apples!
36. Chewing gum while
peeling onions will keep
you from crying!
37. The glue on Israeli
postage stamps is
certified kosher.
38. Guinness Book of
Records holds the record
for being the book most
often stolen from Public
Libraries.
39. Back in the mid to
late 80's, an IBM
compatible computer
wasn't considered a
hundred percent
compatible unless it
could run Microsoft's
Flight Simulator game.
40. Astronauts are not
allowed to eat beans
before they go into
space because passing
wind in a space suit
damages them.
This really is
amazing! Check it
out. This website
is amazing - they
actually have
photographs of
almost every
school in the
world.
Unless you went to
school when
cameras weren't
invented, you may
find a photo of
yourself or at
least your
classmates.
Click on the link
below:
Enter the name of
your school and
the year that you
were there.
http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com/
- Send this Homepage to a friend:
Visitors online:
- right
now
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